Monday, September 12, 2011

Bags and Bottles.

Every sinner on a bike knows how many beers their bag can hold. Shit, she can probably tell you the difference in capacity between bottles, cans and 40s. If she's a smart sinner, she'll wait until 8:58 to buy beer in the city limits. Dash into the grocery store, flurry exchange of currency and then rip into that treated cardboard like a zombie into a brain. Fill your bag and then fill your belly.

There's nothing we like better than a ride with a few good friends in your bag, and the enablers at Timbuk2 have made debauchery on a bike even easier. Their Hemlock Backpack is a latchkey for having a Dionysian night. With capacity for a case of cans or 18 bottles, this bag is also outfitted with a bottle opener on the left shoulder strap. Let the iniquity begin.

And we, your bold, beautiful and boozed-up buds busted this bag out of William's collection of many in order to test its mettle against our eternally wet appetites.

What happened in the kitchen that night can only be described as a small miracle: burritos, holding the same cryptid mischievousness of the Chupacabra; descended from on high, laden with starch, spinach and sass, landing on our plates and loading our mouths with the savory tones of summer bounty. Science has yet to prove how tasty a treat we actually crafted that night.

We don't believe in gods - in burritos, we trust.

Test beverage for the evening was Mudpuppy Porter from Sand Creek Brewing Company, and musical accompaniment for the evening was from Kanye West & Jay-Z, both of which could merit their own review - but that's not our modus operandi here tonight.

The Hemlock won over our hearts and our stomaches in short order.  This one's got it all - form, function, flippancy. What more could you ask from your opener than to carry your beer as well? How about the ability to flawlessly remove a cap? Done deal. Throw in good looks, solid construction and the ability to haul your laptop as well (not to mention a hidden stash pocket for cash, credit cards, whatnot) and you've got a winning package.

Due to the verve and attitude displayed by this particular opener, we couldn't help but give it a resounding 5 out of 6 bottles.