Tip, Tap, Tow: Pedal Tour of MN Breweries

Occasionally, we take a break from our fascination with bottle openers in order to hit the streets and meet the brewmasters where the pedalist meets the road. This week we will recap a recent excursion into the streets of Minneapolis, on a search for beers, atop our bikes, and equipped with local booty. And, ironically enough, not a single bottle opener was required.

A bike parked outside Harriet Brewing proudly bears 2 St. Valentine's Day Hustle spoke cards - Bomb City, represented.

Our destinations for the day included fabled Flat Earth Brewery, scenic Harriet Brewing, the mighty Fulton Brewery, and Indeed Brewing Company (Indeed). 

West Side Belgium-Style IPA, Harriet Brewing.

Why did we choose these four breweries? Because they offer Free Saturday Tours, obviously (1).

Cruisin' from Northeast Minneapolis to St. Paul, we arrived 40 minutes late to Flat Earth Brewery. As we had been required to book a tour spot, we figured we had missed the boat. Not so! The boat was still at the dock, bobbing leisurely, its' captain telling us that everyone was free to scour the decks and sample the cargo until 7 PM that night; making the Flat Earth Brewery tour an official 9 hour event for those who could keep their sealegs that long... we welcome the stories of any that do.

(1) Our Sakajawea of Suds, Anusha, planned the tour and led us along like pioneers seeking the calming shores of each brewery by direct and practical bike route.

Local lady/picnic lunch at Harriet Brewery.

Our Indian(2)-by-way-of-New-Jersey guide next led us north along the Mississippi until we reached Harriet Brewing in South Minneapolis.

Harriet provided us with the proverbial shelter from the storm. While sipping tasty twists on Belgian style beers, we partook in our rations (imported from Wisconsin, of course), and dodged the harsh rays of the sun under the conveniently placed umbrellas. While the selection is small, Harriet brews up some delightful beer, and the outdoor seating - complete with Hammerschlagen stations - is a must for any voyage. Plan a stop there on a fair day, and you won't be disappointed.

(2) Continent.

At last, a stop where we enjoy the same view as our parked bikes.

The next hop was downtown to Fulton Brewery, albeit a brief one. (3) Suffice it to say that we don't envy the brave barmen and barmaids that draw the short straw to work shifts before the mighty Minnesota Twins display their prowess at nearby Metrodome Stadium.


(3) The beers were delicious but the crowds rowdy, too much so for these weary sailors to stay in port for long.

The Midnight Ryder atop a table carved with names from antiquity.

The capstone to our travels around the fair city of lakes was at what could only be described as a sight for sore eyes and tender calf muscles - otherwise known as Indeed Brewing Company. The beverage selection was a modest 3 taps - but emboldened with 2 casked, dry hopped varieties. As luck would have it, we also had the good fortune to encounter a wandering sea-gypsy food-caravan (know to the layman as a food truck), with which to re-supply rations - both vegetarian and otherwise. While being beguiled by the house ales and lulled by the gentle sounds of trains rolling past, we sunk into the comfortable chairs and rich antique wood environment of the taproom. It was enough to make any seafaring band consider calling home. Who knows? Maybe next time we might not escape the siren call of hops, well restored architecture, and fresh tattoo ink.

The Stealth Opener

Gather 'round, friends - I'd like to introduce you to a new tool in the Review's arsenal of bottle liberating devices, what we like to call the "stealth" opener. When consuming your favorite bottled beverage outside of your home or local establishment, there are often many impediments you might encounter; such as the prying eyes of law enforcement or misguided citizens. To help alleviate these problems, the fine folks at Vaughan U.S.A. have developed a technologically advanced new (circa 1950) tool - the "Quad Fold."

What is the Quad-fold, you might ask? It is the worlds first folding bottle opener, with dual bottle cap and can-punch implements. It ingeniously folds at the middle, converting to a compact and inconspicuous "stealth" mode. Where are the other three folds referred to in the name? Well, they are too subtle for even us two well-trained and seasoned bottle opening veterans to discern. (1)

(1) Bonus shout-out to any reader that can find them hiding in there somewhere.
Two pieces, two tools, one hinge - four folds? You do the math. 

Being the intrepid reviewers we are, we decided to put the "Quad Fold" to the test in some real-world situations. The natural choice for this was to bring our own refreshments to the budget theater, and try out this opener's mettle, while using the sounds of explosions and gunfire to mask our mischief. The feature film chosen was Joss Whedon's The Avengers.

"There was an idea to bring together a group of remarkable people, so when we needed them, they could fight the battles that we never could..." Or perhaps open the bottles we never could? Our night at the budget theater would have been incomplete were it not for the Quad-fold. It was our gateway into another universe of movie-watching experience: one that included Dave's BrewFarm Matacabras Ale.

"His secrets have secrets." And our stealth opener ushered us through the one hundred forty odd minutes of opulent action scenes and quip-cracking one-liners with the clandestine touch that only a folding bottle opener could make. This whisper-quiet opener was essential for keeping up with Joss Whedon's Gatling gun dialogue and gliding camera work.

"You put those people together, you can't expect what's going to happen..." Despite the Quad-fold's power to open beers discretely, it could not account for your humble reviewer's hulkish feet kicking over empty bottles, sending them clattering underneath two rows of seats. So much for secrecy.

The "Quad Fold" performed even better than expected, easily dispatching four bottles in quick succession, with only the dim light of a cheap projector to guide it. It folds up and fits perfectly in the change pocket of a pair of jeans, and no-one but us was any wiser to the action taking place off-screen - although this might have more to do with the ineptitude of the movie theater staff than our stealthiness.

Despite its misleading title, and obvious age, the "Quad Fold" is a worthy companion on any excursion. The cap removal is swift due to the extended leverage provided when you unfold it, and it has the additional advantage of having a can-punch, in case vintage flat-top cans start to make a come-back to appease the hipster market-share. All-in-all, we give it a resounding 5 out of 6 bottle score.