Wednesday, September 19, 2012

The Stealth Opener

Gather 'round, friends - I'd like to introduce you to a new tool in the Review's arsenal of bottle liberating devices, what we like to call the "stealth" opener. When consuming your favorite bottled beverage outside of your home or local establishment, there are often many impediments you might encounter; such as the prying eyes of law enforcement or misguided citizens. To help alleviate these problems, the fine folks at Vaughan U.S.A. have developed a technologically advanced new (circa 1950) tool - the "Quad Fold."


What is the Quad-fold, you might ask? It is the worlds first folding bottle opener, with dual bottle cap and can-punch implements. It ingeniously folds at the middle, converting to a compact and inconspicuous "stealth" mode. Where are the other three folds referred to in the name? Well, they are too subtle for even us two well-trained and seasoned bottle opening veterans to discern. (1)

(1) Bonus shout-out to any reader that can find them hiding in there somewhere.
Two pieces, two tools, one hinge - four folds? You do the math. 

Being the intrepid reviewers we are, we decided to put the "Quad Fold" to the test in some real-world situations. The natural choice for this was to bring our own refreshments to the budget theater, and try out this opener's mettle, while using the sounds of explosions and gunfire to mask our mischief. The feature film chosen was Joss Whedon's The Avengers.

"There was an idea to bring together a group of remarkable people, so when we needed them, they could fight the battles that we never could..." Or perhaps open the bottles we never could? Our night at the budget theater would have been incomplete were it not for the Quad-fold. It was our gateway into another universe of movie-watching experience: one that included Dave's BrewFarm Matacabras Ale.

"His secrets have secrets." And our stealth opener ushered us through the one hundred forty odd minutes of opulent action scenes and quip-cracking one-liners with the clandestine touch that only a folding bottle opener could make. This whisper-quiet opener was essential for keeping up with Joss Whedon's Gatling gun dialogue and gliding camera work.

"You put those people together, you can't expect what's going to happen..." Despite the Quad-fold's power to open beers discretely, it could not account for your humble reviewer's hulkish feet kicking over empty bottles, sending them clattering underneath two rows of seats. So much for secrecy.

The "Quad Fold" performed even better than expected, easily dispatching four bottles in quick succession, with only the dim light of a cheap projector to guide it. It folds up and fits perfectly in the change pocket of a pair of jeans, and no-one but us was any wiser to the action taking place off-screen - although this might have more to do with the ineptitude of the movie theater staff than our stealthiness.

Despite its misleading title, and obvious age, the "Quad Fold" is a worthy companion on any excursion. The cap removal is swift due to the extended leverage provided when you unfold it, and it has the additional advantage of having a can-punch, in case vintage flat-top cans start to make a come-back to appease the hipster market-share. All-in-all, we give it a resounding 5 out of 6 bottle score.




7 comments:

  1. (1) I'll leave it to smarter (wo)men than myself to elucidate explicitly the other folds, but here's a clue: they are in the mind of the human using the quad-fold.

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  2. surprised to see this opener receive a five bottle score. to be honest, i am worried that the rating system may lose its power in the future with an inflated score awarded such as this!

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  3. Looks like "quad" refers to what they claim it does, not to how many times it folds http://www.bullworks.net/virtual/display/quadfold.htm

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  4. Hello! I myself have an unused one still attached to its original cardboard. It has 4 uses and a fold function, hence the name. The four uses as described on the cardboard are: Can tapper, bottle opener, seal cutter (for wine), and vacuum lid opener (for stuck jar lids). Will post a picture as soon as I get to my pc. Found it among fishing items that belong to my long passed away grandfather. I'm a guy from Argentina.

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  5. I like this bottle opener very much as it is the worlds first folding bottle opener, with dual bottle cap and can-punch implements and the "Quad Fold" is really a worthy companion on any excursion.

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  6. Looking at the Quad fold my husband found I believe that the flattened corner on the bottle opener can be used as a screw driver. It is also a key chain.

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  7. http://www.bullworks.net/virtual/display/quadfold.htm

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